17 Comments
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K.Lynn Grey's avatar

It was the part where his mother was hung on a hanger that got me...

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Keith Long's avatar

Gooooood! I tried leaning on that moment

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Garen Marie's avatar

Hiding in the clothes rack like it’s an anemone and the boy’s a clown fish - love this imagery! And then the repeated shh-clicks and the squeaky wheel. The mother hung up like clothes. All nightmare fuel. Really well done.

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Liz Zimmers's avatar

This is terrifying! I used to hide in the racks of clothes when Mom or Gram was shopping. It led them to threaten me with being tethered on a leash. Now I know why they hated it so much when I vanished! I’ll never approach a clothing rack the same again.

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Keith Long's avatar

Yeah, it’s the bane of parents and the joy of kids everywhere! I hope I ruined it for us adults lol

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Nick Buchheit's avatar

Dammit, Keith. You just ruined every child's favorite part of clothing stores for good. I know I gave my mom a few scares when I was younger hiding in clothing racks. Way to turn the fun into something horrify.

I feel like this got really surreal and I loved it. Excellent piece with bite!

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Keith Long's avatar

Hahah thank you! I definitely went a more nightmare route than I usually do, so I’m glad you liked it! Thanks again 🙏

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Pages After Dark's avatar

This was really good! The pacing and atmosphere were really well-written. Keep writing, fellow horror writer!

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Keith Long's avatar

Thanks very much for reading and commenting🙏

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Jared Lambert's avatar

That was some good spooky

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Saint-Lazare's avatar

This is why I don't go shopping. Well driven, the claustrophobic sensation is top-notch.

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Keith Long's avatar

Thank you🫶 I tried to get the feel of being in those racks way back when

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Will Mason's avatar

Damn, this reminded me of that wardrobe scene in The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but much darker!

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Keith Long's avatar

Thank you very much! I think I was tapping into that dreamlike childhood wonder of other unseen worlds, before I took it into nightmare territory haha

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Will Mason's avatar

Yeah :) The mum on a coat hangar at the end definitely did that!

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Trevor Decker's avatar

Excellent use of the TARDIS effect. You captured the sensation of experiencing the world as a child, where every nook and cranny is its own universe. Also enjoyed the underwater feel and the repeating sound of hangers clicking together on a metal ring. Very eerie and dreamy.

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Keith Long's avatar

🙏Thank you very much for reading, and restacking — it means a lot to hear I got across the feelings I tried to get

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