The Christian

A State of Unrest

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Midday, December 30th, 2017 in the Common Era, In the Sanctuary of Sacred Hearts Church, In the Life of Elizabeth

Burning Heart Community Church (or BHCC) is the local church body that Elizabeth calls her home-church. It’s not like Worship Center, the mega-church down the street, because it’s smaller which means that Elizabeth - a lifelong member - knows everyone, and everyone knows her. Her parents raised her in the Christian faith at Burning Hearts, and about the hardest thing in her life has been coming up with a testimony to give at youth retreats. She is extremely thankful she was raised Christian, and isn’t one of those hell-bound families of divorce or atheism. She was named Elizabeth after John the Baptist’s mother - her parents said they felt the Holy Spirit move and knew that she would also “pave the way for Jesus”. They also told her that they didn’t want to name her Mary because it was “such big shoes to fill”. Her Uncle Leonard - who is an unbeliever that she prays intercession for daily - says that they didn’t pick Mary because the precedence was either teen pregnancy or demon possession. Elizabeth gets sad every time she thinks of Uncle Leonard, but at the same time she’s glad she isn’t an unbeliever.

When Uncle Leonard left the church 8 years ago, it left a deep impression on Elizabeth. Ever since then she has begged her parents to take her out to “evangelize” and “minister” and “witness” to the masses on the streets - the least of these, as she calls them. Every birthday and Christmas, Elizabeth asks for the money that would be used to buy her gifts to be donated to Water Street Rescue Mission, the local homeless outreach.

The most rebellious thing she’s ever done is to prefer that people call her Ellie, thus shirking her biblical name. She still feels guilty anytime someone says Ellie. She lives an actual stones-throw from Burning Hearts, so her frequent requests to be taken into Lancaster City to “fulfill the Great Commission” are often obliged.

Elizabeth’s parents are very religious, but they aren’t nearly as zealous as their only daughter. Elizabeth even had her father build her one of those free library mailboxes, so that she could stock it chock full of theological treatises, Christian social teachings, and biblical exegesis tomes. She checks it every morning after her prayer routine, to see if anything was taken and if there’s a need to restock. One of her life goals is to see her mailbox emptied and have all of the valuable books find homes in a seekers arms. Another dream of hers is to someday go on a global missions trip, as she has only ever done local outreach, and she knows there are plenty of people that need saving around the world. Elizabeth is very focused on her local community and ways she can minister to those “right outside her door”, as she heard her pastor say once. She is so dedicated and intense that it wears out the pastor, at times.

Elizabeth is currently in the Sanctuary of Burning Hearts, which isn’t as pretty as say a Catholic Parish, but she feels close to God everywhere so she doesn’t mind. She only hopes that her good deeds will get other people to feel the Lord as she does. She didn’t tell her parents she was walking to the church, but they’re well aware of her habits ever since she was found here and told them the familiar words, “did you not know I would be in my Father’s house?”. She plans on making her regular request to be taken into Lancaster City, and she wanted to cover the evening in prayer first - hence being in the Sanctuary. While sitting in the stereotypical stackable plastic blue chair, praying, Elizabeth felt God speak to her in one of his characteristic whispers - she calls them Holy Hints (which she also uses as an exclamatory remark). She felt He was telling her to go door-to-door, right here in Leola, and witness in the way a Jehova’s Witness would.

She knows that a lot of the people around her everyday will go to hell unless she can save them, so she does her best to be good and show them Jesus through her actions. She doesn’t swear, she doesn’t smoke or do anything recreational, she doesn’t play videogames or watch violent movies, and she does her best to tell her friends that they shouldn’t either. The only people she can relate to and have good conversations with are the older ladies that sew together on Wednesday’s at the church; a group called Sewing Seeds. They are all just as zealous as she is, and so they get along famously. Sometimes they even gossip about some of the members of the church who “really aren’t true Christ followers” but then Elizabeth feels guilty and repents. It’s tough being a pure and shining light to everyone around you, but she does her best.

In the Early Morning, 31st of December\New Years Eve, 2017\On the Cusp of 2018, Saving the Poor Souls, In the Life of Elizabeth

Elizabeth was up early to begin her door-to-door ministering that she does every weekend - Friday and Saturday that is. It was so early it was dark, and there was a pervasive fog still sitting about. It’s one of those fogs so thick it feels like it’s got an arm around your throat and a gun to your head. She felt this Friday was a golden opportunity presented to her by the Lord since it fell on NYE. She could use that as an ice breaker and then segway into a spiritual conversation using the springboard of New Year’s Resolutions. It was brilliant and bound to bring some souls in for the Lord. Her parents value their sleep more than she does, so she is forced to walk to nearby houses most weekends. She has a map in her room that has every road and house she’s hit marked with a symbolic cross rather than your stereotypical X.

The general consensus in the Hoffman House is: that she - Elizabeth - is free to minister as much as she wanted, as long as she stayed within a 3-smile radius, kept her flip phone ringer turned on, was only gone 3 hours, and had her chores and school done - that was the general consenses. She had a flip phone by choice because she felt that smart-phones were designed to be addictive and more likely to cause sin than anything good - plus they’re built using child slaves and terribly poor conditions, but she doesn’t know that bit.

This morning, Elizabeth had a whole game plan and route planned, whereas sometimes she was just “led by the spirit” willy nilly. The last stop on her journey was the one she was looking forward to the most because she knew there was the greatest opportunity for salvation. The Lord had brought this man to her attention while she was praying one night, and she felt that this particular day was the perfect time to go to him - though he was just outside the 3-mile limit. The place was called Two Morrows Investing and the man running it was in serious need of Jesus, as Elizabeth’s mother had once said. She - Elizabeth - had been praying over this opportunity for a while and she had the whole thing figured out.

The place opened at 8:00am, was open Monday-Friday (including Holidays - she checked), and was 3.4 miles away. She would start her walk hanging tracts and hand-written letters on doors, all while praying for Terry - the man who runs Two Morrows - and walking toward his business. By the time she got there, it would be just after he opened and - Lord willing - she’d be able to speak with him for a little. Elizabeth was well accustomed to rejection, but in this case she would be bitterly disappointed if nothing at all took place. She felt the Lord had specifically aligned this opportunity for her, and she intended to make the most of it. She had been practicing lines in her room (no mirror, to shirk vanity) and was certain she could get through to him. She put on her backpack full of her spiritual tuppences, and bundled up for the frigid walk toward Two Morrows.

In the Late Afternoon, January, 2018, Saving the Poor Souls, In the Life of Elizabeth

Elizabeth feels most comfortable when she’s being God’s hands and feet, spreading His love and Word. She never struggles with knowing if her salvation is secure, she knows she has a relationship with Jesus and that she’s going to heaven; it’s everyone else she worries about. There are so many people who need Jesus so badly, even people who claim to be Christians but their “fruits” don’t bear it out. Her parents always told her, “you will know them by their fruit” and there are many in Lancaster who don’t produce fruit.

One of Elizabeth’s best friends who used to accompany her on her witnessing outings has recently started posting racy pictures to social media, and swearing both online and in person. Elizabeth has had to distance herself and hope that God will intervene, because the Lord knows she tried and hopefully planted the seed of repentance. The saddest part is her friend is a PK - Pastor’s Kid - which sets a bad example for the other children of the church body. It is sadly common for this to happen with the children of church leaders, and it breaks Elizabeth’s heart.

Her previous outing had gone very well, she thinks, and has hopefully also planted seeds of repentance; the rest is in God’s hands now - she did her part. The man had simply popped into her head and it is her opinion that God was whispering to her in His way. She made the walk up to his little storefront, told him how important it was to do good deeds, but more importantly; to have a relationship with Jesus. He listened and seemed very open to the Lord, so she of course pushed further until he eventually ushered her out and she left feeling accomplished. She did all she could for right then. She always felt a swell of holiness whenever she was doing the Lord’s work, like His face was shining on her.

Today is another day that brings the opportunity of planting seeds in the hearts of sinners. Elizabeth can’t remember a time when she was wildly steeped in sin, and she’s thankful for that. Her parents raised her right, on the straight and narrow, and now that she is older - she will not depart from it. She sees the desperate and lost people around her and it strengthens her feeling of gratefulness. She has never been lost, so she can only imagine the intense pain that these people must be enduring, spiritually.

Today she is in Lancaster city, witnessing to anyone she passes in the street. Ahead of her, sitting on the parking block of a small paid lot near Center City, is a woman with a backpack and enough belongings on her person to appear homeless. Elizabeth approaches her and immediately asks, “do you have time to talk about our Lord and Savior?” to which the lady responds with a blank stare. Elizabeth sometimes forgets that those who are so far outside of God’s presence do not understand the language of the Church. She tries her best to use terms they know, but sometimes can’t help it when she gets excited at the prospect of rescuing a soul for Christ.

Elizabeth rengages the woman on the block, “Do you know who Jesus was?”. To which the woman retorts, “Course, yeah - who doesn’t?”. Elizabeth gets excited, feeling that she may be able to start a conversation with the woman. Just as Elizabeth opens her mouth to ask another question, the woman rolls up her sleeves to reveal numerous syringe holes, freshly scabbed over. The woman says, “This is Jesus right here, I got him in my veins - see?” then she smiles a wicked, sinful smile. Elizabeth is taken aback and stammers, “No, no, that is not Jesus - Jesus is good and Holy and and and loving an-” but the woman cuts her off. She spits out, “Sure is! He’s very good!” then she bursts with an insane wheezing laugh.

Elizabeth is horrified at the sacrilege of professing drugs to be Jesus, so she angrily confronts the woman, “No! That is not Jesus! He is clean and pure, not sinful and wicked!“. The woman takes on a knowing smile and says, “But I thought he took on all my sin, hmm? Don’t that make’em dirty?”. Elizabeth doesn’t know what to say to this, so the crazed woman goes on, “Do you know who Jesus is? Because I bet I know him better than you.” Now Elizabeth becomes angry again, she has never been challenged like this in all her years of witnessing. People usually smile and nod, and tell her she’s sweet and they’ll think about it - then she prays with them. This woman was so wicked, she actually fought against the gospel! Elizabeth spits back, “You can’t know Him, not like I do! You’re not a Christian!”

The woman’s smile changes from a sinister smirk, to an angry glare, “How d’you know I ain’t a Christian? I’m closer to Jesus than you are! He came for the sick, and that’s me!” As she finished talking, a smile spread across her face again. Elizabeth prays for strength and grace in dealing with this possibly possessed person, “Well, Jesus loves everyone equally so I think tha-“ and she’s cut off once again. The woman sneers and looks at her filthy nails as she asks, “He said he’d leave you to come find me - I know he said that, he told me. So now who do you think he loves more, hmm?” She glances up with the last words to pierce Elizabeth with her glittering eyes.

Clearly this blasphemous woman was once a part of the Church and has strayed from the path. Elizabeth’s parents always taught her that a True Follower bears the fruits of their relationship. If they don’t bear fruit, God will cut them from His True Vine. She’s saddened as she realizes she is speaking to one of the removed pieces of chaff that God has already cut away. There is nothing Elizabeth can do to save her, as she has clearly rejected him and chosen this unholy lifestyle instead. The woman, thinking she’s proved her point due to Elizabeth’s silence, says “It’s okay honey, I can put in a good word for you. He listens to me and I pray everyday.”

It becomes simply too much for Elizabeth and her face takes on a visibly disgusted look - what did this woman know of prayer and communing with God? She backs away from the woman while staring at her, then turns to go. This angers the woman on the parking block, so she stands and begins to shout at Elizabeth, “I ain’t good, but I know it! You ain’t good neither!” Then the woman’s voice drops in volume and she smirks at Elizabeth and says as she backs away, “you just don’t admit it. But you ain’t good neither…” With that Elizabeth turns around and runs toward home, crying tears of fear and anger. What did this woman know of Goodness? God is all Goodness and this woman didn’t have God - she did.

In the Late Afternoon, August, 2018, Saving the Poor Souls, In the Life of Elizabeth

“Come on, nobody else will see it with me!”

“I can’t, I’ve got to go into the city and evangelize.”

“Elizabeth. You need to do fun things sometimes too.”

“This is fun. Sort of. To me.”

“...right.”

“Well what’s the movie about?”

“Listen! It’s a rom-com movie about this couple that has serious marriage issues.”

“Okay…”

“So they’re looking to spice up the marriage. So they like figure out that they like to like ~do it~ in other people’s houses and-“

“What? Why would I want to go see that? Absolutely no for me, sorry.”

“I didn’t even finish explaining the movie! They like that kinda thing, it like turns them on and makes them love each other again I guess but they like get kicked out of everywhere and lose all their friends and put on every kind of like black list there is I guess and so they decide to start a hotel - well like an airBnB I guess - in their home just so they can like have illicit encounters in their own home, when their own home is like being used by someone else and eventually-“

“That all sounds very… fascinating, but I’m not going to see that. Sorry. It sounds like sin on a silver platter.”

“Oh come on! Live a little! Have some fun, cut back and let loose. Besides, It’s not like you’re having these illicit encounters, it’s just a movie.”

“It sounds like it’s basically porn.”

“What’s wrong with porn?”

“Oh God forgive her, she knows not what she says. That’s almost as bad as when my uncle said Jesus was nothing but an incurable prankster.”

“Your uncle sounds funny.”

“He’s not funny.”

“Is he cute?”

“Miranda!”

“Just kidding! You totally should come though, it’ll be fun!”

“No thanks, I’m going to pass this time, but thanks for inviting me. Maybe next time, if it isn’t a movie like... that.”

“Whatever, you’re loss. I’ll save you some popcorn.”

“Thanks.”

Miranda leaves as Elizabeth finishes packing her little backpack full of flyers and laminated tracts. Strapping the backpack on and saying a little prayer, she walks out the door into a squelchy morning haze of humidity. It’s still pretty warm, but she grew up without AC, so it doesn’t bother her as much.

In the Hours Before Noon, Early September, 2018, Thinking of Her Poor Soul, In the Life of Elizabeth

“Jeez, you’re really taking this hard Liz.”

“Or take for instance, me sitting on this chair. I’m sitting cross-legged on a standard chair, there’s plenty of people around but no one bats an eye. But, if I were to sit cross-legged on the table, every eye in the place would be on me.”

“Yeah, cuz you’d be like, weird. Who sits on a table?”

“You’re missing the point, Miranda. I’m sitting here and it’s socially normal - totally acceptable. But, if I were sitting up here - a foot higher and a foot to the left - it would be madness!”

“Uh, yeah. I mean, I guess.”

“Social constructs: things we accept without even knowing why we accept them, if it’s even right to accept them.”

“Do you think it’s gross if I get another chai? They’re really good here.”

“My whole life I’ve been one thing and one way, without really thinking about it, ya know?”

“Yeah, I guess. But don’t like, question your whole life because a couple of old homeless dudes. They’re probably the ones that should be like, questioning their lives or whatever.”

“No, they were right. They asked questions I didn’t have answers for: questions I’ve never even thought about. Now I’m thinking about this stuff, and I think that’s important. Like why don’t I use swear words? You do.”

“Not all the time. And nobody calls them swear words, that’s just like, weird.”

“-But if I were to start saying damn and bitch and hell - or especially the f-bomb -“

“Uh, nobody calls it the f-bomb.”

“-people would think I wasn’t even a Christian anymore. Even if they swear! It’s so… so… absurd!”

“I mean, I guess. Yeah. For the record, that would’ve been a great time to say bullshit.”

“My whole life I was raised to believe that if you swore or smoked or drank, you were going to hell in a hand basket-“

“A hand basket?”

“-but you’re a good person, and you swear-“

“Not all the time, jeez. You make it sound like it’s all I do.”

“-but I don’t think you’re going to hell.”

“…thanks. I think.”

“I don’t know… maybe I just need a hobby. Something outside of church, ya know?”

“Yeah, ya think? Church is like, all you do. We need to find you a boyfriend.”

“Uh, no thanks. I just feel… I feel like I have a lot of thinking to do.”

“What like, are you an atheist now?”

“What? No. I just… I need to do something thinking is all. Some deconstructing. I feel like I’ve just taken every belief that was handed to me and maybe it’s time I decide what I believe for myself. Ya know?”

“I mean I guess, that sounds like a good thing.”

“Yeah… I think so. And I really need a hobby. Something I do for myself, that’s not church affiliated. Something I enjoy.”

“What, like… drugs?”

“What? No!”

“Well you said not church affiliated! I just thought maybe you were like talking code or something!”

“Come on, Miranda! Sheesh… I mean like not organized by the church. Something like… like… like writing, or going for hikes, or-“

“Or a boyfriend.”

“…-or gardening or something. I don’t know. Do you think I’m overreacting?”

“Oh for sure. Definitely.”