Thanks. I'm glad it felt right. I often have odd ideas for structuring a story and have to wait until the right story comes along to fit the structure. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙏
I admire the effort and discipline you put into this exercise Mr Long. I found myself reading very slowly as the device didn't have as much narrative pace as more traditional story telling. triggering mental imagery explosions and recursive thought process: WHERE ARE WE? WHAT iS HAPPENING TO WHO? etc
enjoyable more for the challenge than the story, if you know what I mean.
hard hands clapclapclap. exhalation of respect. head nods.
Thank you sir — it was a fun challenge to write the same story 5 times using only one sense, and it had even less actual narrative before Sean beta read it for me and sparked my interest in the idea again lol
Diiscussion about gerunds ... I studied Latin and I speak a couple of languages beyond English. And I'm not convinced that everything that looks like a gerund is not sometimes a present participle. I'm also not convinced that we should always purge the gerund. For me, that advice comes from one highly specific culturally-located writing style. USA is, sociolinguisticallty, famously find of directness (many languages aren't, and prize elegance or indirectness over blunt to-the-pointness). So yeah; gerunds not cockroaches at all. (Only from POV of one highly specific and culturally located linguistic space). If you're not monolingual anglophone they might hit much less hard. It's a preference, not a rule.
Thank you! And absolutely right, I couldn’t stomach reading this for much longer than the length it landed at, let alone write something longer lol it was a fun experiment though
I love how you're always experimenting, pushing the envelope, seeing what words can do. Wait is that too many -ing words? Oh, well ;) Very cool effect. Immediate, staccato, breathless.
Thanks. I'm glad it felt right. I often have odd ideas for structuring a story and have to wait until the right story comes along to fit the structure. Thanks for reading and commenting 🙏
i enjoyed the aggressive gum chewing.
love how this one crescendoed, keith. your subtle humor was on point
Thank you very much🙏humor in horror can be tough lol
Love how this turned out, Keith! Excellent.
Thanks, I think it turned out good after I implemented your feedback — I like it
I admire the effort and discipline you put into this exercise Mr Long. I found myself reading very slowly as the device didn't have as much narrative pace as more traditional story telling. triggering mental imagery explosions and recursive thought process: WHERE ARE WE? WHAT iS HAPPENING TO WHO? etc
enjoyable more for the challenge than the story, if you know what I mean.
hard hands clapclapclap. exhalation of respect. head nods.
Thank you sir — it was a fun challenge to write the same story 5 times using only one sense, and it had even less actual narrative before Sean beta read it for me and sparked my interest in the idea again lol
Consider getting rid of your gerunds to stud your golden lines with diamonds.
I do have quite a few, don’t I… Thank you for reading. I think I will edit some of those out, especially in the first section. — fresh eyes
Gerunds are the cockroaches of the verb world for sure!
don’t see any problem with the gerunds btw, was as smooth as it could get
Thank you — it really means a lot, especially coming from the mind behind Deleted Scenes🙏
great work here, sensory overload for the win!
Thanks💀👍
Love the imagery!
Thank you! And thank you very much for reading🤝🌝
Diiscussion about gerunds ... I studied Latin and I speak a couple of languages beyond English. And I'm not convinced that everything that looks like a gerund is not sometimes a present participle. I'm also not convinced that we should always purge the gerund. For me, that advice comes from one highly specific culturally-located writing style. USA is, sociolinguisticallty, famously find of directness (many languages aren't, and prize elegance or indirectness over blunt to-the-pointness). So yeah; gerunds not cockroaches at all. (Only from POV of one highly specific and culturally located linguistic space). If you're not monolingual anglophone they might hit much less hard. It's a preference, not a rule.
Sick, dude. I was genuinely chewing gum when I read this, which only added to the experience.
Ayee🌝🤝 Thank you
I think this style represents trauma and PTSD well. Well done!
Thanks, Nick!🫡
Show don't tell to an extreme! :) Very interesting - I'm not sure it will work for an entire novel, though. :)
Thank you! And absolutely right, I couldn’t stomach reading this for much longer than the length it landed at, let alone write something longer lol it was a fun experiment though
Yes, it was :)
I love how you're always experimenting, pushing the envelope, seeing what words can do. Wait is that too many -ing words? Oh, well ;) Very cool effect. Immediate, staccato, breathless.
Thank you 🫣Lots of -ing words lol I cut a bunch out too
Honestly I didn’t even notice the -ings until I read the comments. Your edits must have worked!
This has great pacing like an adrenaline rush. Love the staccato action section. I held my breath. Then the come down voices.
Thank you so much! You’re one of the greats 🫡